What is a living funeral?

Essentially a memorial service for someone who's aware they're living in their final days, a living funeral is a unique celebration of life. It's a bittersweet opportunity to spend time together, exchange memories and say final goodbyes. 

Those who’ve been the guest of honor at a living funeral often say it was an invaluable experience to see people from their past one last time, feel the outpouring of love from family and friends, and show appreciation for the care and support given over the years. 

Those who attend a living funeral for someone they love say they're equally grateful to have one last opportunity to express their feelings and spend a few hours with someone they may not see again while that person is still able to be present and celebrate.

Let me just say that having a living funeral for my mom was the BEST decision that I have EVERRRR made! Due to my moms health we were unable to have a funeral so we settled for a living funeral (going away party.) Lots of funny stories, memories, and laughter filled the day.

How to plan & host a living funeral?

A living funeral is usually planned like a celebration of life—a personalized party that uses the passing years as a touchstone and showcases what someone loves, how they live and what makes them unique. The big difference is that the person being honored is alive and present at the event. 

Sometimes someone plans a living funeral for themselves. Other times, a friend or family member takes care of the planning and the guest of honor simply shows up.

The invitations

Choose the friends and family members with whom you want to share the experience. Notify them by sending invitations (paper or digital) announcing the location, date and time of the celebration. 

Right from the get-go, you can help to set a celebratory, uplifting tone for the event by choosing a cheerful design for the invitations and emphasizing that the event will focus on happy times, love and togetherness. 

The venue

You’ll need to choose a venue for the event. Modern funeral homes are perfectly set up for living funerals, with an emphasis on catering and room design that encourages conversation. However, some families choose a favorite restaurant, a church or a backyard setting. We went with my moms back yard due to it being hard for her to get out. We set up a huge tent, lots of tables, chairs, and plenty of food!

The service and/or reception

Some living funerals include a casket or urn, though neither is necessary, and they may include a service that follows a traditional flow, with a formal eulogy and readings. We personally didn't do this because I wanted to focus on the memories we have made with her and for once not be reminded that our time was coming to an end.

More often, though, living funerals have a looser structure, a less formal setting, and friends and family making toasts and sharing stories as they wish. The guest of honor may also speak to guests, letting them know how good it feels to be loved (my mom wasn't a people person so this didn't happen.)

Either way, a friend, relative or member of the clergy may serve as an officiant or just a coordinator to facilitate the various aspects of the event (that's me)

Just like any party, favorite food and drinks are a must. Catering makes setup and cleanup easy. A potluck is an opportunity for friends and family to contribute. We asked everyone to bring a side dish that they know was my moms favorite. We opted out of her 2 absolute favorite things (twinkies, and steak haha!) due to it not being a great combo with quite a few people.

Music makes every party more fun, and a living funeral is no exception. Ask a friend to curate a playlist, hire a DJ or go all out and bring in a band and set up a dance floor. It is, after all, the celebration of a lifetime. We set up a speaker and played every song I knew she loved (even if it was highway to hell...SORRY mom)

Other personal touches like flowers and decor add a festive feel. For something very special, prior to the event solicit old photos for a slideshow and farewell videos from far-flung friends and relatives to share during the event. Have guests fill out cards with favorite memories and drop them in a box before leaving.

Saying goodbye

A living funeral can be an emotionally intense event for both the guest of honor and attendees. Even as everyone is enjoying themselves, there's an awareness of the reason for the occasion. Even as everyone is telling fun stories and laughing, there can be feelings of heartbreak and overwhelm.

An outpouring of love can bring up so many different emotions at once. Know that it's OK to step away briefly from the festivities to collect your thoughts or have a good cry. Then you can return with renewed energy to focus on what matters most at a living funeral: connection, celebration and creating lasting memories.